


No good in Goodbye

by thatcomicfan



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, F/M, Fluff, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-08-07 00:27:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16397957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatcomicfan/pseuds/thatcomicfan
Summary: “Kiara,” he called her name, faltering for a moment, not sure if she would let him continue this time. She did, crossing her arms across her chest. “How are you?” he asked lamely. She snorted, almost smiled and then hissed at him, “Fucking fantastic Rogers. That’s how I am.”The look in her eyes told him everything he needed to know. She had not been okay apart from him, and it had been his mistake that drove her away. If he could travel back in time, he would fix it. But then, there were so many things he wanted to fix. He saw her take a step back, much like she had done when he told her, lied to her that she was compromised. In hindsight, that was probably the most terrible decision he had ever made. It did get her far away from any kind of danger, even out of his life.Steve Rogers X Original Female Character Short Fic





	1. In which Steve gets the scare of his life

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys, so I decided to write another Steve Rogers Fic. The first chapter is set sometime before Age of Ultron. There will be time skips so I thought it would be better to clarify this stuff beforehand. Enjoy and do leave feedback.

Chest heaving, with a silent prayer on his lips, Steve walked swiftly towards the infirmary. His strides were long. He couldn't reach there soon enough. The woman he loved was injured. Bleeding on the hospital bed. His heart thrummed in his chest wildly. 

The translucent glass of the room's door where she was resting showed him a pale face. Various machines were hooked to her delicate body. The Commanding officer of the Avengers didn't betray a single emotion. He was supposed to keep a brave face for his team. The relationship between Steve and Kiara was still hidden from his friends. They had actually managed to hide it from Natasha, who had a penchant for always knowing what was going on in the team. The red-haired woman was standing next to him, her sage-green eyes on the seemingly lifeless figure sleeping on the bed. Soft sheets covered her body. The same body Steve had spent countless nights worshipping. 

"She'll be fine Steve. I have spoken to Helen. She has this new cradle thing she is working on and she says it will help her recover fast."

Steve turned to her, a sceptical look on his face. 

Natasha gave one of her signature half-smiles to him, "Now don't ask me to explain you the science behind it. But Bruce looks positive about it." Her dainty hand reached out to cover his gloved one. He noticed the change in her expression when she mentioned Dr Banner. But he didn't comment on it, knowing that the ex-assassin wouldn't be very keen on finding out that he could read her so easily. Moreover, he could relate to her need to preserve the novelty of a budding relationship that was just starting to stand on its feet. And he was sure the change in the dynamic between Natasha and the good doctor was fairly new; newer than his and Kiara's. 

It must have been hours before Kiara opened her eyes. Steve had been waiting for her to wake up after Dr Helen had completed printing new tissue in her body. At least, that was the only part that he really understood about the whole process. But, for once, he was truly grateful that this incomprehensible science was helping save the love of his life. He couldn't imagine not having her with him. 

"Steve," a small voice called him and he turned to see a pair of green eyes looking at him from under thick lashes. She seemed tired and so small that it stole the breath away from his lungs. He leaned forward, capturing her delicate hand in his. There was no heed paid to the fact that someone could see them like this. He had almost lost her. "Hey." Steve gave her a gentle smile, his fingers tucking dark strands of hair behind her ear. 

"You scared me."

Kiara gave a grin in response which turned into a grimace. She wet her lips briefly, to help her soothe the dryness in them. "I know. I am sorry."

Steve brought her hand up to his lips, placing a small kiss on her knuckles as a tear escaped his eye. "You took a bullet for me."

"I know you would have done the same." 

Her words were filled with truth. Had the situation been reversed, he would have taken not one, but a hundred bullets for her. But it didn't give him any respite from the fear in his heart.

The pair was interrupted when Helen Cho stepped inside, unaware of the intimate conversation between the Captain and her patient. Steve dropped her hand abruptly but still gentle enough to not hurt her. When the doctor asked him to leave, he gave one last glance at Kiara, confirming once again that she was truly safe and then left without a word. 

A knock on the door of Steve's office sounded and he closed the report in his hand when Kiara's head peeked inside. It had been a few days since the incident that had threatened her life and she was discharged shortly after, thanks to Helen Cho's regeneration cradle. She stepped inside without needing his verbal permission, as she so often did. 

"You know you're probably the only one who actually uses the office," she commented with a lopsided smile as she took a seat across him. "Well, it's the only place where I can read mission reports in peace."

Kiara gave her agreement with a nod of her head, "And it's a good place to escape all the prying eyes." 

The suggestive glint in her eyes told Steve enough, and he looked up at her with an unimpressed expression. "I don't think you are yet cleared for any strenuous activity."

A huff escaped her lips as she rolled her eyes. "Steve, I am bored. I have nothing to do the whole day but mope around. Natasha won't let me set foot inside the gym or the training area. You can at least let me handle some of the less dangerous missions." Her emerald eyes pleaded with him but Steve knew better than to be swept away by that enthralling gaze of hers. He might have surrendered to it countless times in the past but this was one situation where he needed to be in control. 

"There might be a few things I have for you to do," he told her, leaning forward on his elbows. She mirrored his actions, intrigued. "Tony has hacked into a terrorist organisation's mainframe server. Now normally we'd leave the analysis part to Jarvis but I think I can convince him to let you have a crack at it."

She backed into her chair, her eyebrows raised as the excitement on her face faded away. "Analysis, Steve? Now I don't want to put Jarvis out of work. It wouldn't be fair to him."

A smirk played on Steve's lips. "It's the best I can do right now. There are no new missions for you," her lips parted as she tried to protest, but he beat her to it, "not even the less dangerous ones."

Kiara breathed deeply, taking a moment to think and he could see the gears turning in her head. He only hoped she wouldn't see what his ultimate goal was. "Fine," she relented, "I'll do it. But once I am clear for the field, you will take me on for the next mission."

Steve gave her a single nod. She smiled back at him as she left his office to go find Tony for the information he had unearthed about the terrorists. He sank into his chair, wanting to clutch his hair or throw something on the wall. He didn't want to lie to her. But he didn't want to see her so fragile, on the verge of death, ever again. He might feel different in the future when he is able to erase the haunting image of her almost dead in his arms with blood oozing out of her body. But now was not that time.


	2. In which Steve makes a terrible choice

Kiara was pissed, royally pissed. If this had been one of her favourite childhood cartoons, steam would have been coming out of her ears as she made her way to the hangar. She was already dressed in her uniform, not willing to let Steve have a single excuse for not taking her to Sokovia when the whole team was going. Her eyes landed on the rest of the Avengers and her pace quickened. "Captain Rogers," she called out, demanding his attention and everyone turned to look at her storming towards them. Natasha gave a slight smirk when she saw Steve's face lose some of its colour before he regained his usual composure.

"You promised me something. Or have you forgotten it?"

"Promised you what?"

"You were supposed to take me on for this mission. But I learned it from Sam that you guys were leaving. Why was I not informed about it?" Kiara demanded, her arms folding across her chest.

Steve met her unwavering gaze head-on. "You are not cleared for field yet."

"Yes I am," she replied defiantly. She craned her neck up and narrowed her eyes at him.

"Not until I say so." The calmness in his voice was getting on her nerves a little.

"You are the commanding officer, not the resident doctor. I was cleared for field days ago Steve."

"But you are not coming along for this mission. Because as you said, I am the commanding officer and this is my team. So this is my decision. If I decide you're not ready for the field, then you are not ready for the field. I don't care what any piece of paper says."

Anger bubbled up in her chest when Steve almost nonchalantly circled on his heels and began walking towards where the rest of his team was standing. He had never, ever spoken to her like this before. Never before had he asserted his authority over her. She hadn't thought he was capable of doing that.

"Nat, wheels up in 5," He said gesturing to Natasha who had been distracting herself by fixing her weaponized bracelet. She gave him a nod, and her eyes briefly turned to her teammate. Kiara stood there silently, probably rewinding Steve's words in her head. The ex-assassin glared at the back of the captain's head before resolving to talk to him after the mission was over.

Steve's command to Natasha broke Kiara out of her thoughts and she curled her own hand into a tight fist. "What the hell Steve? You don't get to walk away without an explanation."

Turning to face the rest of the team, he excused himself as he pushed her with him to a corner which was out of everyone's earshot. "What is it?"

"Why was I last to know about this mission? Are you deliberately keeping me out of the loop?" Her tone was nothing if not accusatory.

"I didn't want to have to say this now Kiara but you aren't giving me a choice." He saw the way his words affected her. There was nothing but confusion and worry written all over her face and he wanted so badly to ease it.

"You made a mistake that day when you took the bullet that was meant for me. You are emotionally compromised, Kiara."

The sentence that Steve had uttered hit her like a whiplash and she took a step back. "What?" She asked the only thing she could manage to come up with.

"The mission is always supposed to come first. You put it in jeopardy." Steve struggled to get the last sentence out. He knew he was hurting her from the tears in her eyes that she wouldn't let spill. He would explain her everything when he gets back. He would make her happy then, he silently promised.

"You are talking as if we aren't in an actual relationship and I have a silly crush on you which is how I compromised the mission and this team."

Steve hissed when he heard her words and was rewarded with a scoff from Kiara. "Oh stop it, Steve. I am sure half of them have known about us for a long time and the rest of them knew it after I _saved_ your life."

Steve took a deep breath and raised his hand in a pacifying gesture. He could already see this fight getting out of hand. "We will talk about this when I come back okay?" He turned around to leave, wanting to end the argument. But before he could get much further, her small voice stopped him.

"Was I wrong in assuming that you'd have done the same for me, Steve?"

She sounded defeated, almost as if she had been crying and he looked back at her. She looked vulnerable as she uttered those words. His arms urged to hold her but he kept them forced to his sides. He hadn't expected her to remember their small conversation from after she had woken up. She had, after all, lost so much blood and seemed so pale and weak which had led him to make this decision, to keep her safe behind piles of paperwork, and out of any danger. He realized he was wrong.

A treacherous tear escaped her eye, "I took that bullet for you because I couldn't see you hurt Steve. I did that because I fell in love with you."

Her small confession had left Steve speechless. She was in love with him. She had done this to protect him. Somehow they had been on the same page all this time, and yet when she walked away, it felt like a goodbye. A goodbye he hadn't been ready for. Pain bloomed in his chest and for a moment, he wondered if he had taken this too far or if he had been too harsh. He wordlessly went back and rejoined the team.

The mission had been accomplished, but it was silent as a grave in the Quinjet as Natasha tended to an injured Clint. Tony had barely spoken a word to him and Thor had made no comments at their success in finding Loki's Sceptre. The tension was high and it was almost a relief to get back to the tower and out of the jet to escape the suffocation in the air. Steve had asked Maria to brief him on the enhanced twins sometime later as his legs carried him to his apartment in haste. She had to be waiting there for him. She always did when he came back from missions which didn't involve her. He had already thought of a thousand things to say to her. But most importantly, he wanted to tell her how much he loved her too. He had for some time.

The door opened for him as soon as he punched the code in the keypad beside it. It was dark and silent inside, Steve felt his heart plummet. He checked everywhere, but there was no trace of her. When he opened the small cabinet he had given to her to keep a few extra sets of clothes so she didn't have to sneak out every time they spent a night together in his flat, he found that it wasn't empty but filled with his own clothes that he had left in her place.

"Captain Rogers," Jarvis spoke breaking the silence. He didn't think it was possible, but Steve could almost hear a dullness in the AI's voice. "Agent Kiara told me to inform you that she has left her resignation letter in your office."

 

 


	3. In which Steve finds her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is set after the events of Civil War.

If there was anything more irritating than a stubborn Super Soldier, it was probably teenagers who couldn’t figure out the simple task of placing books in a bookshelf. Kiara sighed in defeat as she pulled a book out and kept it back with its spine facing outside. The bookstore she had been working in for the past one year and a handful of months was frequented by teen girls looking for new books about another fantasy love story involving a vampire, or a werewolf. They never bought any books, just read them. In fact, they didn’t even read the complete story, just the more racy parts. Kiara was growing tired of their giggles already. It was probably true that she was in a state of perpetual anger nowadays. After leaving the tower, and Steve, she had thought that her bitterness would subside, that it was just a phase which would be over soon. But it had been more than a year now, and something that lasted that long could not be called a phase.

So she went about her daily routine, and nothing ever changed. Wake up, get coffee, come to work, scowl at people, go home and sleep. And if she could somehow find some time to check the news, she would read about the fugitives who used to be her comrades. And if her heart broke every time she thought about how Steve must have needed her, she would catch herself, because he didn’t need her. He didn’t think of her. She was only making a fool of herself by thinking about him. It didn’t mean that she stopped wondering about which part of the world he could be hiding in.

Her fingers played with the hem of her plaid shirt as she stood behind the counter in the bookstore. She saw the door open in her peripheral vision, and while she never bothered herself with the customers much, she felt an urge to look up. The person standing before her was definitely not a teenage girl if that beard was anything to go by. She barely suppressed a gasp that threatened to escape her lips.

Steve hadn’t noticed her yet, instead, he was still looking around the shop like he was lost. Kiara took those precious moments to study him. His dark jacket looked well worn. The beard made him look like a wild and dangerous man, but still incredibly handsome. And even though it must have helped him to hide from the law, she could still recognize him easily. But then the people after him hadn’t spent those innumerable nights studying every inch of that face as she had. When his eyes found hers, she realized that it was one thing about him that still hadn’t changed. The blue was still as deep as ever, threatening to drown her into them. They softened when they landed on her, and she found him studying her in the same way she had done before. He took a step towards her, and she took one back without intending to.

He walked up to the counter while discreetly scanning the place for security cameras just as she had done more than a year ago when she had first come here looking for a job. The habit was probably an occupational hazard. Her own eyes stayed affixed on him, unable to look anywhere else. “Kiara,” he whispered when he was close enough to. She let a shudder rock her body and shook her head at him. “Not here.”

Her hand grasped his as she swiftly led him into the small broom closet that away from all kinds of prying eyes. When she turned around, her confusion had morphed into anger. The cold look in her eyes was enough to make the former Captain America take a few steps back. He had been on the receiving end of these kinds of looks before, but none of them could ever cut him like this. It made him want to wince. “You look like shit,” she commented dryly. Steve nervously ran his fingers through his hair, knowing how unkempt he must look. He was a far cry from his past, clean-shaven self. He was certainly not the man she remembered. But maybe that was for the best. The man she remembered was also the man who had broken her heart.

“Kiara,” he started again, faltering for a moment, not sure if she would let him continue this time. She did, crossing her arms across her chest. “How are you?” he asked lamely. She snorted, almost smiled and then hissed at him, “Fucking fantastic Rogers. That’s how I am.”

The look in her eyes told him everything he needed to know. She had not been okay apart from him, and it had been his mistake that drove her away. If he could travel back in time, he would fix it. But then, there were so many things he wanted to fix. He saw her take a step back, much like she had done when he told her, lied to her that she was compromised. In hindsight, that was probably the most terrible decision he had ever made. It did get her far away from any kind of danger, even out of his life.

“What are you doing here Steve?” she questioned, her voice lower than before. Kiara was smart enough to realize that she couldn’t take his name too loud lest someone hear her and tweet that the one and only Captain America was here. She had no doubt that the people looking for him would latch on to the tiniest piece of information about the fugitives they had been looking for.

He extended his hand to hold hers in it out of pure instinct as if he needed to touch her to survive. When she pulled it away from him, it felt too much like a knife twisting in his chest. He swallowed, ignoring it as he replied, "I needed to see you."

"And now you have."

While Kiara had been good at hiding her true emotions from most people, Steve couldn't help but notice the slight waver in her voice as she spoke. Her eyes betrayed her even more. Her stoic mask was cracking as they twinkled with tears she refused to shed. "I am sorry, Kiara."

She turned away from him briefly, wiping at her cheek discreetly before facing him again. "Why did you do it, Steve?" He had opened his mouth to reply but she was quick to cut him off. "And don't give me that emotionally compromised bullshit. I knew it was a lie then, and I know it's a lie now."

He took a deep breath, taking a much-needed pause to gather his thoughts. "I was scared that you'd get hurt again on a mission."

The sentence was simple but it managed to knock the breath out of her lungs. When he reached out to touch her again, she didn't resist, instead opted for looking deep into his eyes finding nothing but sincerity in them as he spoke.

"I remembered holding your lifeless body. And I wanted so much to just breathe life back into you. I had never felt so helpless before. And knowing you had done it for me only made it worse."

Kiara closed her eyes, dipping her head down. Her anger was subsiding. As much as she didn't want it, his words were chipping at the walls she had so carefully built around her.

"When I lied to you, I just wanted to keep you away from any danger."

A small chuckle escaped her lips, one full of disbelief. He tried not to be offended by that. He was about to bare his heart to her and she found it funny, something she hadn't even tried to cover up.

"So you turned me into a paper pusher," she remarked mockingly, an eyebrow raised, challenging him to deny the truth of her statement. He didn't. He couldn't. Those sharp green eyes of her made sure of it.

"I did it all because I fell in love with you."

Those words were everything she had wanted to hear for the last one year. Words she thought would feel like music to her ears but if the pain in her heart was anything to go by, she had been wrong. So very wrong. She would've slapped him, hit him, and probably broken her hand in the process. But she couldn't get herself to do that. Her arms felt heavy at her sides. Steve cupped her face in his palms with an urgency that she had never seen from him before. "I love you, Kiara."

Lips crashed in a violent battle as Steve kissed her. His hands threaded through her dark hair and he pulled her impossibly close to him. There were no inhibitions in the way he held her, no pretence. He wanted her.

She had yelped at the sudden motion, not realizing what had happened. It was only a moment ago that she had an actual war going on inside her before she found herself wrapped in his embrace. The sheer force with which his lips met hers was bruising but she didn't, couldn't find it in her to mind it. She had gotten over the surprise quickly before melting into it and kissing him back. It was something she hadn't ever been able to resist. His lips were as she had expected, a little chapped but still soft and warm and so very familiar. She fell into the feeling as if they hadn't been apart for even more than a few hours.

It took all of her effort and will to remember the situation she was in. It was not just where they were but the circumstances under which they were meeting. She found enough strength in her to attempt to push him away. He could have chosen to ignore her fists as they shoved at his chest but being the honourable man that he was, he pulled away after his mind had registered that she wanted him to stop.

They stared at each other, their harsh breathing the only sound filling the silence between them. Kiara didn't know what had possessed him to do such a ridiculous thing. If he thought he could just kiss his way out of every problem then he had another thing coming.

"It took you a whole year to realize that you loved me?"

Steve looked at the way her face had reddened. If it was out of breathlessness or anger, he couldn't tell. He was still reeling from the sensation that tasting her after so long had awoken in him. It was all he could do not to pin her against the nearest wall and have his way with her.

But that would've surely earned him with a slap on his face and a far more enraged Kiara, something he was not in any mood to be faced with. "I wanted to find you but Ultron happened and," he paused, swallowing in an attempt to suppress the emotion that rose in his throat, "I didn't even know if you wanted to see me. But I had realized it that day, during the mission when you wouldn't open your eyes. I realized that there was nothing I wanted more than for you to look at me again. I realized I loved you. And it scared me."

Kiara couldn't meet that gaze of his any longer. The intensity they held was much more than she could have handled. There was no lie that her own feelings for him had scared her the first time she had noticed them. They had been friends at first, closer than most of their team. She hadn't ever thought of herself as his closest friend. She knew that the particular spot was reserved for Nat alone. And it wasn't a competition. Those two had gone through something entirely different when SHIELD had fallen. They had faced a world that had turned against them and they had done it together. That bond wasn't something she ever thought she could compete with.

Somewhere along the way, she knew she had earned an important corner in her Captain's heart. The way his eyes lit up every time they fell on her, or the way he smiled at every small thing she spoke of, however mundane, were all signs she couldn't ignore. The fear was not about how he felt, it was about how he would react. The man was, for all intents and purposes, an enigma to her. And she didn't know how far he could ever want to take a relationship with someone like her. She knew from history books that he carried a broken heart. That was a challenge she wasn't sure if she or even Steve was really up to.

But when they had started dating, it had felt right. And time had melded them together to the point where she knew she would do anything for him. But her worst fear was the face of an old woman she knew she could never be like. She didn't know if Steve could ever stop looking at his past to see what he had right in front of him. And it was the same fear that stopped her from voicing the true extent of her feelings to him. She held no hatred for Peggy Carter, only immense respect. But she was always there in her mind, like a ghost pulling her back. She could only blame herself for it.

And now he had said it, loud and clear. But it felt too painful to hear. All the time she had spent hating him, and hating herself for loving him had tarnished those words. "You still pushed me away."

Steve frowned at first. He didn't know if she relished in it or if she was unaware of it but her words were hurting him. He had needed her and all he had received was a cold woman who gave him nothing but hard stares and bitter words.

"You left, Kiara," he spoke with the finality of a defeated man, "You made that choice."

Kiara looked at him again, her gaze softer than before. He was right about that even if it was the only thing he was right about. But she was heart-broken. She still remembered how his silence had felt as if a knife had been plunged into her chest. She had confessed her love for him, and he had deemed her to be emotionally compromised. Peggy Carter’s face had flashed in her mind and she had decided that it was pointless to stay.

"When you didn't say it back, I thought I had almost died for a man who didn't love me, at least not in the way I had thought."

The anger had drained out of her voice and she stepped closer to him. Steve had not expected that, nor had he expected when she gingerly wrapped her delicate fingers around his hand, "Steve, I didn't join The Avengers just for a man to push me around. There was enough of that while working for SHIELD."

His lips twitched upwards at her words. She was finally beginning to sound like the woman he remembered, “I am sorry I acted like an asshole."

"I am sorry I didn't stay and tell you as much."

Steve barked a laugh as he shook his head. His hand reached up to caress her cheek softly. Kiara could almost see the nervousness in his gesture so she covered his hand with her own. When he kissed her again, it was soft and gentle. She kissed him back immediately and he lost himself. When she wrapped his arms around his neck to pull him closer, he knew that even though it took him a whole year, he had her back. And he was never going to lose her again.

 

 


End file.
